Last year, I met a wonderful man.
We went on three fantastic, heated dates. Whenever we were together, the air was charged with electrifying energy. We laughed, gazed at the moon and the sea, burst into laughter at a comedy show, cuddled, and delved into each other's eyes while sharing our life stories.
At the end of the third evening, it was clear to me that I wanted to invite him into my bed.
Both of us were filled with childlike excitement, having eagerly anticipated this moment after three intense days together.
Our lovemaking was fiery, tender, and ecstatic.
It couldn't have been more beautiful.
As I lay in his arms, he said with astonishment, "Usually, I struggle to get and maintain an erection. I have no idea why it was different tonight."
I, too, was surprised because, for men, it can be challenging to have sex with me knowing that I work as a sex coach. This knowledge can create a lot of pressure, which is the worst condition for achieving an erection.
I've thought long and hard about why this particular evening unfolded as it did (almost a whole year later), and I have some hypotheses:
We had conversations about sex where I clearly communicated that I don't believe there is "perfect" sex. I acknowledged that sometimes it's nice, sometimes incredibly beautiful, and sometimes perhaps less so.
I told him that I understand how stressful it can be for men to always perform on demand. I acknowledged that our bodies are not machines.
I became intimate with him without expecting anything specific to happen. I simply wanted to feel him close to me and explore his body, with no particular agenda.
While I didn't explicitly communicate this point, when I am relaxed, it automatically translates to my partner. Nervous systems communicate nonverbally with each other.
The discussions about sex helped him lower his expectations for his performance. He knew it didn't have to be perfect, and he knew I wouldn't judge him as a loser if he didn't have an erection.
Under such relaxed conditions, a man is freed from stress. Stress is one of the biggest inhibitors to a strong erection.
I was genuinely happy that he could make love in such a new and liberating way.
Have you ever experienced stress about your performance in bed?
Then you're in the right place with me.
This is my speciality, and I've already helped many men relax and enjoy lovemaking again.
If you want the same, send me a message.